Review: BloodStorm

Directed by Joseph J. Lawrence

Out now from Revolver Entertainment on Blu-Ray, DVD, Download and On-Demand.

Poor Man’s Iron Sky with tragically few original ideas.

When I tell you that this movie comes from the studio which brought you such gems as Sunday School Musical and Paranormal Entity – namely The Asylum – you probably won’t be surprised that they’ve jumped on the whole Nazi zombies band wagon, made popular by the likes of Zombies of War and Dead Snow. This time round a dash of UFO and robotics mayhem – à la Iron Sky and Transformers – is thrown into the mix, with disappointingly predictable results.

In a very silly prelude, Dr Josef Mengele takes off in a plane in the last days of World War II, only to crop up again in modern day Antarctica – where Dr Adrian Reistad (Jake Busey from Starship Troopers) and his team of student scientists have set up camp. Apparently, the Nazis have constructed a Bond-style evil lair under the ice; down where – in yet another filmic ‘homage’ – a whole other environment exists near the Centre of the Earth. As Mengele explains, he’s managed to stay alive all this time by replacing 60% of his body, and has kept busy experimenting on his troops – turning them into a zombified force of super-soldiers. He’s also been attempting to revive his boss, which he manages to achieve now thanks to sucking out a pregnant woman’s foetus and injecting it into a machine that allows the Führer to take on mechanical form: a hilarious CG mix of Hitler and Robocop 2, complete with arm cannons. As the huge expendable cast dwindles, can the survivors stop this new threat from the Nazis? And does anyone – even them – really care?

If you’re coming to this simply for the gore, then you might well be satisfied, as there are some great physical effects, it has to be said. A lot of the CG doesn’t stand up to close scrutiny, however, and as for a coherent plot, I defy anyone to make sense of this nonsense. Characters have absolutely no depth, changing allegiances at will, and make the most ludicrous statements (one comments: “It’s so cold!” – what, in the Antarctic? Surely not…) or ask the most ridiculous of questions (like “Who are you?” when confronted by Nazi storm troopers in gasmasks wearing Swastikas… sigh). Watch this only if you’re looking for mild diversion on a Friday or Saturday night… and under the influence of a truck-load of alcohol…

BloodStorm in a very small and suspect teacup 3/10

Paul Kane

Click here to order Bloodstorm from Amazon.co.uk

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