Starring Ben Affleck, Alice Braga, William Fichtner

Directed by Robert Rodriguez

Ketchup Entertainment, in cinemas now

A Texas detective convinced of the link between an audacious bank heist executed by a powerful hypnotist and the disappearance of his four-year-old daughter, discovers that nothing is what it seems.

There are many questions raised by reality-bending thriller Hypnotic – the most profound of which is what on earth does director Robert Rodriguez have on Ben Affleck that he persuaded him to star in a film so bad it could give Plan 9 From Outer Space a run for its money. Affleck has multiple Academy Awards, Golden Globes and BAFTAs to his name, at least two of which are for screenwriting, so you’d think he could tell when a script is as turkey-tastic as this one.

Where to start? Well, it’s supposed to be about people with advanced hypnotic powers up to no good, but I think Rodriguez has confused hypnosis with telepathic mind control, via the medium of puckering up your face, as if expelling a rather stubborn number two. Affleck is terribly good at this, once again displaying his vast range as an actor. Having adopted the constipation face, all you have to do is say something random in a portentous way, after which the victim somehow knows to take off their clothes or try to shoot themselves or empty a safe deposit box and perform a flawless stunt in a ten-ton truck.

Affleck also excels at puzzled reaction shots, and demonstrates his extensive ability to furrow his eyebrows whilst wearing a tight-fitting denim shirt. As the late Dorothy Parker might have said, he runs the whole gamut of confusion from A to B.

Of course, nothing is what it seems, but when we get to the ‘truth’ we discover that ‘reality’ resembles a bizarre mash-up of a posse of Butlins Redcoats on the set of one of those Danish minimalist Dogme 95 movies which thankfully don’t get made any more. To be fair, I doubt Rodriguez or Affleck are familiar with the traditions of British holiday camps, but I put it to the members of the jury that it’s a challenge for any actor to appear menacing in a jolly bright red blazer. Where’s Su Pollard when you need her?

Add to this mind-bogglingly ill-conceived movie, a score that sounds as if it was composed by Bontempi’s latest AI set to ‘Hans Zimmer’ on a non-stop loop. Surely there was an ‘off’ button on it somewhere.

There is one moment of intentional wit. Half way through the film, a computer hacker explains to Affleck the extent of the state sponsored mind control conspiracy, and I did have a genuine giggle at the newspaper front page taped to his wall announcing the UK electorate’s decision to vote for Brexit. Oh yes, and if you do fork out your cash to watch this ridiculous assemblage of tosh, be sure to hang around for the post-credits sequence helpfully setting us up for Hypnotic 2. I kid you not.

Verdict: Hypnotic is basically a supermarket own brand take on Inception – re-imagined by a sixth-former with a hangover. On the plus side, having seen Hypnotic I will never be rude about M Night Shyamalan again. 1/10

Martin Jameson

www.ninjamarmoset.com