More shouting, stabbing and shooting. They go up a thing, they go down a thing, they come out of a thing. Despite my vagueness, this review contains spoilers.

I decided to stick with Bargain because it started so well. Surely, creator Woo-Sung Jeon had an inkling in his head of how all the brilliant elements (which had made the well-reviewed season opener so compelling) would be paid off. British broadsheet TV critics were nodding their approval.

We met a sleazy guy prepared to pay premium rates to have sex with a virgin, but of course she wasn’t what she seemed, and by the end of the episode he found himself the subject of an auction with people bidding huge sums for his vital organs. But before anyone could sink their scalpel into him, there was an earthquake, and everyone was trapped. Could they possibly work together to survive?

These are big, bold dramatic ideas which could so easily be the set-up for a tautly written thriller – an anti-capitalist allegory perhaps – where man’s ability to exploit man is played out to its ultimate, and legitimately gory conclusion.

Unfortunately, the moral question was answered in the bloody negative a few minutes into part 2, and what we got instead, were five more episodes of stabbing and shooting and people yelling in each other’s faces, while going up a thing, going down a thing and coming out of a thing. Am I repeating myself? Well if I am, I’m less guilty of it than Bargain which just goes round in ever decreasing circles until nothing matters at all. The plot – if there was one – seemed to involve someone who had some money, but he died or something, and various people were trying to do things nasty things to each other, but I had no idea who they were or why I should care, or why that involved so much killing. Auctioning off people’s organs seemed to be neither here nor there by the end. Oh yes, and there’s a twist in the final minute, but it’s completely random and nothing to do with anything that’s gone before.

If Woo-Sung Jeon ever had that inkling, I think he lost it down the back of the sofa. Bargain is the narrative equivalent of running upstairs for something, but then when you get there, having no idea on God’s earth what it was that seemed so urgent.

The biggest mystery is how a series like Bargain got the green light in the first place. It must have cost a bob or two, but whoever forked out the cash clearly never asked to see a synopsis, because there’s no story whatsoever. A lot of stuff ‘happens’ but that’s not the same thing at all.

Verdict: I commend anyone to watch episode 1 of this series, but trust me on this, there is absolutely nothing to be gained by going any further. I put myself through it so you don’t have to. 2/10

Martin Jameson

www.ninjamarmoset.com