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When aliens defeat and imprison Earth’s superheroes, it’s up to their (mostly) superpowered kids to save the day.

Written, produced, directed and edited by Robert Rodriquez in his trademark “Mariachi” style (i.e. he does everything himself that he possibly can) this is a standalone sequel to 2005’s The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl. No knowledge of that film is required, the links are fairly tenuous it seems, with only Taylor Dooley (Lavagirl) returning from that film (Sharkboy appears only briefly, portrayed by another actor in a non-speaking role).

As is to be expected the production as a whole is decent for what is essentially a TV movie. The CGI is nothing earth-shattering but does the job, and the young cast members do well, in particular YaYa Gosselin as Missy, who without powers tries to find her place among the superkids.

Unfortunately none of the above can save what is a really quite dreadful film, and I really can’t work out who this is for. It seems to be aimed at around the 7-11 range, younger kids wouldn’t follow the plot. In which case, why is this 100% safe? There is no sense whatsoever that any of the kids will be in any real danger, especially with the lead baddie’s horribly over the top “acting in a kids’ show” style. In fact few of the adult actors seem to be taking this at all seriously, The Mandalorian’s Pedro Pascal being one of the few exceptions, but with plot points like a villain’s name being an anagram of “I am an alien” it’s hard to blame them. You have to present the threat as real and viable, something good children’s fiction knows well. Even if you know nothing bad is likely to befall them, the characters must behave as if they don’t know that, that’s where the drama comes from.

As it turns out this very safeness is a ridiculous plot point which I won’t spoil, but at the end you really do wonder what Rodriguez had in mind. Tonally, for most of the film, it feels like it was commissioned by some “won’t somebody think of the children?” pressure group who want something super-wholesome to counter their kids’ addiction to mainstream superhero movies and Stranger Things. Except that the stated moral of the story is distinctly liberal; children are the future (duh), they’re better than adults and should be looking firmly forward in order to fix the right mess their parents have made, like an army of little superpowered Greta Thunbergs. I really can’t disagree with the sentiment but it’s all so sappy and overstated, and the way it’s worked into the plot is so ridiculous, that I’m sure I’d have been embarrassed by it as a seven year old.

I usually avoid looking at the opinions of others when researching but here I gave a look at the IMDB “reviews”. They mainly fall into two camps – those who dislike it, and those who shout them down with the claim that “it’s for kids!”, as if children’s movies don’t need to think about quality for an audience presumed to have no critical faculties. Well, kids do have critical faculties, they want to be entertained sure but they also like to be challenged. This film is unlikely to do either.

Verdict: Despite a talented young cast this is unfunny, overly safe and ultimately sanctimonious; a time-passer for an undemanding child at best 3/10

Andy Smith