Talon, Janzo and Garrett return to the Outpost to find things much different than when they left. Between fighting for their lives against Dred and attempting to solve the mystery of the Book of Names, will they even have time to worry about Janzo’s disturbing conclusion as to the source and nature of Colipsum?

Any hopes I had that The Outpost might at least try to wrap things up properly were feeling strained by the end of the last episode, when it felt like there were way too many plot threads dangling in the air to possibly tie off in one final instalment. Watching this episode I realised that I hadn’t anticipated the half of it, as a few new ones were introduced as well in a blatant attempt to encourage someone to pay for another season.

So we have Talon, Garrett and Janzo discovering what appears to be a Colipsum ‘farm’ which enables Janzo to reach some pretty startling conclusions, both about Colipsum in general as well as about Garrett in particular. It’s one of those bits of plot that actually isn’t too bad – dare I say it, it’s even fairly original, so why on earth it was packed away at the tail end of the season like this is beyond me entirely.

But, not to let me down, The Outpost quickly reverts to the usual nonsense. None of the important people from last week’s little revolt are actually dead, despite what the show tried to imply with those last shots of them lying wounded in the streets, so that’s nice. Then Talon and co return and he somehow immediately knows she is the Blackblood he’s been looking for, declaring he can ‘smell the black blood in her veins’, so why exactly he has had his men slicing open the palms of women in the Outpost for however long is unclear. Still, then it’s time for another staple of the show – the pointlessly extended execution scene.

No spoilers here, but yes, it’s another example of people lined up for public execution by a supposedly ruthless and barbaric leader and then for some reason there has to be endless talking (and comedic pauses while the talker struggles on long words – haha!) which of course leaves just enough time for interruptions from completely unexpected quarters.

Those quarters rather are expected though, as Queen Gwynn rides into town with her army and we settle down for the big battle that doesn’t ever really happen. There’s some confrontation between some key characters and then it all just sort of limply ends with imprecations of honour and justice and doing the right thing, and you glance down and realise that we aren’t even quite at the halfway mark yet.

And on it goes – there’s a secret about the Rex Vezicon for Janzo to suddenly uncover, there’s some more of that godawful love triangle that the show has been desperately trying to get us invested in (though in fairness at least it didn’t go quite where I feared it might), there’s a predictable and literally skin-crawling scene between Janzo and Talon, a split between Janzo and the Mistress, the forgiveness of one character by another in spite of quite serious things that character had done which we seem to have forgotten entirely and the most predictable escape ever. Oh and then right at the last second, before the credits roll, we find out who the mysterious Dragman – the person who can translate the Vex Rezicon – actually is, and fair play it’s not one I saw coming but it’s honestly hard to care.

Everything about this episode screams that they want another season. Whether it will have pulled in the ratings to justify that remains to be seen although if there’s one thing I can guarantee it’s that the show will be cheap enough that it may survive anything other than actively terrible reviews from all quarters.

Myself, I’ll miss the show in an odd way – it’s not often that you have an opportunity as a reviewer to watch something which fails so comprehensively on every level, and once I had the knack of watching it, remembering at all times that despite the earnestness of the actors it was not in any way to be taken seriously, it was actually quite fun in its own weird way.

Verdict: A fittingly pantomime end to what has been just a bad show on every level. The one interesting plot point it manages to throw up this time out gets quickly drowned out amongst all the other dross, and I honestly doubt we will ever get answers to any of the final questions it poses, or that anyone other than the writers actually cares. 1/10

Greg D. Smith