Starring Paul Rudd, Jenna Ortega, Will Poulter, Richard E. Grant, Anthony Carrigan

Written & Directed by Alex Sharfman

Ley Line Entertainment / A24, in cinemas now

When Elliott and Ridley hit a young unicorn with their car – and then very definitely kill it – for some unfathomable reason they put it on the back seat of their car, and bring it to the wilderness retreat of a mega-wealthy pharmaceutical CEO, planning to bury it later.

I know I’m editorialising, but when, after less than ten minutes, the set-up for a movie is as head-scratching as in Death of a Unicorn, it doesn’t bode well for the next ninety-five. There were so many ways to fix this, the most obvious being that having hit a unicorn they quite naturally wanted to share their extraordinary discovery and remedy the situation. This plothole warrants a mention because it’s just the first of many examples of how writer-director Alex Sharfman demonstrates his poor understanding of the human condition, either on behalf of his characters, or in relation to the audience.

On paper, the premise is a decent one. What if you found and unwittingly injured a mythical beast, especially one as surrounded by mystery as a unicorn? There is scope for wonder, sadness, humour and beauty. Instead, Sharfman stomps all over his material by turning it into 107 minutes of charmless, unfunny, badly written, poorly executed satire.

Elliott (Paul Rudd doing a sort of dull Dad character) has been invited for the weekend by Odell Leopold (Richard E. Grant doing Richard E. Grant at his most manic) who is the head of a sort of Sackler/Purdue Pharma dynasty. He’s a grotesque caricature, as are the rest of his family including his son Shepherd (Will Poulter doing his best with terrible material). Elliott is just about to be taken on as the family lawyer, but for some unfathomable reason (a lot of this movie was unfathomable) they’ve insisted he bring his teenage daughter Ridley (Jenna Ortega) along to get to know her. What that has to do with him being their lawyer, I have no idea. Anyway, Odell is dying of cancer but because the unicorn’s blood has seemingly cured Ridley’s acne he decides to put it in a drip and feed it into his own bloodstream…

Do you really want to know any more?

Anyway, it then turns into a painfully unfunny satire about the greed of pharmaceutical companies before lurching into a rip-off of the plot of The Lost World: Jurassic Park – the one where the T-Rex parents come for their kid. Or perhaps it’s an homage.

The curdled icing on the cake of this horrible film is the woeful CGI. Perhaps we have become used to a baseline standard when it comes to modern VFX. Mythical beasts have weight and texture and even personality. They interact with their environment, they inspire moments of awe. These unicorns, however, look like shaggy, overgrown My Little Pony toys. The movement is jerky and amateur. The cast look apologetic and unsure every time they have to share the screen with them.

Verdict: I’d love to find something positive to say about Death of a Unicorn but I can’t. 2/10

Martin Jameson

www.ninjamarmoset.com