As the world puts itself back together, Torchwood are there to pick up the pieces. And they find something nasty hiding in them…

‘How I Conquered the World’ by Tim Foley, Ash Darby and James Goss is one of my all-time favourite Torchwood stories. Like ‘A Postcard from Mr Colchester’ it cheerfully breaks the format but hands it to a very different voice: Friend. The feral social media network at the heart of everything explains their plan in this episode and it’s one of the most gleeful episodes the show has ever produced. This is like the old running gag, before the first series finale, that The X-Files desperately needed an episode which was just Mulder at a blackboard explaining the timeline.

The difference here is twofold. Firstly, Mia Hope as Friend is a much cheerier and infinitely more worrying voice. Secondly, as she explains what Friend has done, you see the genius of what this season, and this story in particular, are doing. As well as the jet black laugh-so-you-don’t-cry comedy, this is one of the purest Torchwood stories yet, distilling the concept down to its barest bones. The 21st Century is where it all happens, you have to be ready – neither Friend or Torchwood were and now everyone has to pay.

It’s horrific, tragic, funny and furious work, simultaneously nothing like anything the show has done before and entirely central to the show’s core values. Plus sound design on all of the season, especially this and the finale, by Steve Foxon, is incredibly well done. This is a complex story and you never once feel lost. Director David O’Mahony too consistently gets the best out of an excellent cast, with Samantha Béart and Alexandra Riley once again proving standouts throughout.

‘Doomscroll’ by Ash Darby follows it and does the smartest possible thing it can: something entirely different. Something is killing influencers the world over and as Mr Colchester is dispatched to protect one, Tyler is dispatched to protect another. We spend the majority of our time with Tyler and Chris, played by Jhon Lumsden and it’s time well spent. Lumsden’s Chris is easy-going, charming, driven and nowhere near as aware as he should be. The discussion about his phone addiction, and the ways Friend weaponizes phone addiction, FOMO and social media are massive topics explored with intelligence and kindness and Jonny Green does some career best work here.

The ending is a high note too, as old Torchwood counter-espionage habits die far harder than innocent bystanders. What follows that is even smarter, and sees the tide turn in a war Torchwood are finally starting to see the scale of, even if it’s a horrifically high price to pay. Plus the central McGuffin here is tangible and wonderfully unpleasant.

‘Heistland’ by Tim Foley brings Rhys back into the fold as Yvonne and Orr lead the charge on Deadcoin, a cryptocurrency the world’s governments use to do off the books deals and that Friend has an interest in. Rhys, and Kristin (Eva Eklof), his Nordic handler (not that he’s a spy) are working the same case and the two teams work together to wear big hats, bake baked goods and commit the good crimes.

Or do they?

I’m a sucker for a good heist and this is a really good heist. Tim Foley clearly loves the form (a big hat is a vital part of the operation) and the way the bouncy, gleeful interplay between the teams plays out is wonderful. Kai Owen and Eva Eklof are especially good fun here and it’s genuinely lovely to see Rhys become such a skilled agent whilst also remaining a big, friendly dude who likes to cook. Best of all, the payoff here is both a classic ‘…OR DID I?!’ and puts control of the war, at last, back in Torchwood’s hands. Just in time for the world to end.

‘The Apocalypse Starts at 6pm’ by James Goss bookends the volume and rounds off the series with one of the biggest swings the show has taken to date. With the weapon about to be released and the economy about to be crashed, Torchwood call Friend out in one of the only theatres where they still hold the upper hand: light entertainment television.

As the interviews make clear, this isn’t the first time a celebrity has played themselves in the show but it’s easily the most fun. Janet Ellis shines as herself with the volume turned all the way up and is a surprisingly effective anchor for the listener. Despite the fact this is Janet Ellis, Queen of Blue Peter if you’re a certain age, she’s also an innocent bystander in a deeply surreal and increasingly horrific war. In a nice echo of Heistland, she’s also the lens through which we see how Torchwood move the world. You’ll guess who’s been leaving mysterious messages for Janet pretty quickly but hearing the others start to appear is really good fun. Plus all of that is in service to a story that does a great job of wrapping up an incredibly complicated season in a manner that’s self-aware without ever being smug about it.

This is a story where Torchwood engineer the stupidest instincts of humanity in order to save us and by itself that would be interesting. Added to the fact Yvonne is painfully aware of the fact they aren’t the bad guys. It’s smart, bleak work that both references the show’s finest hours and builds upon them very well. Only the very final note feels slightly out of place, an ‘OR IS IT?!’ where one truly isn’t needed that robs what’s come before of catharsis even as it provides context.

That’s really my one complaint here. This almost impossibly ambitious season lands very nearly everything aside from one dangling thread that needs resolving (did Tyler actually die at the end of volume 1?) and one that really doesn’t (Friend’s eventual fate). I struggled with both those points but even with that, this is a fun, ambitious and largely very successful season. 8/10

Alasdair Stuart

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