by Garth Marenghi

Hodder Studio, out November 3

 

When horror writer Nick Steen gets sucked into a cursed typewriter by the terrifying Type-Face, Dark Lord of the Prolix, the hellish visions inside his head are unleashed for real.

Matthew Holness’ and Richard Ayoade’s parody sitcom Darth Marenghi’s Darkplace hit all the right notes in 2004 when it aired on Channel 4, but sadly we’ve had no more output from the self-proclaimed ‘twisted genius, Frightnerman, Darkscribe, Doomsage and Manshee’… until now.

Garth Marenghi is a beautifully-observed alter ego of Matthew Holness (Possum). As shown on DarkPlace, the author has published countless novels and short stories, including such classics as Black Fang, Crab, Slasher and Slicer. Until now, his published fiction has only existed within the realm of the Marenghiverse – you couldn’t order any of his paperback horrors, because they haven’t actually been written. But so rich is Holness’ portrayal that it’s all-too-believable that the author and his texts exist, written by a man in black with more than a passing resemblance to James Herbert and Shaun Hutson.

Marenghi’s TerrorTome arrives in hardback, with an intro and afterword by the author, bookending three terrible tales (as in they’re telling us about terrible things, not that they’re terribly written). Anyone who grew up on a diet of Herbert’s The Rats, Hutson’s Slugs or Guy N Smith’s Night of the Crabs will immediately recognise Marenghi’s crude style… and then some. As with the best parodies, it takes a recognised art form and then exaggerates it, while still remaining authentic.

Marenghi is not a great writer, but Holness is. The clumsy, overwritten purple prose displays equal parts naïve understanding of English literature and an adolescent’s belief of what a reader is looking for in a paperback penny dreadful. Like its peers, its greatest achievement would be to become a well-thumbed, dog-eared addition to a spinning rack in a library.

You’ll notice that I’ve steered clear of telling you what happens in the stories – deliberately so. That’s the bit where you’re on your own to discover first-hand what horrors await in Type-Face (Lord of the Prolix), Bride of Bone and The Dark Fractions. But beware, some things once read cannot be unread. I for one would love to see the portmanteau movie version.

Verdict: Beautifully bonkers, with a razor-sharp understanding of the genre, Garth Marenghi’s prose is schlocky, corny, cliché-ridden and over-written. Full of dread and deliberately dreadful – in other words, addictive and quite perfect. 10/10

Nick Joy

Click here to order from Amazon.co.uk